SNAP Worker Excited To Relax After a Tough Two Hours in the Cabaret
Darren Polsky, a S.N.A.P worker at Marist College, is excited to go home and relax after a tough two hours in the cabaret.
Guy is Cool With the Idea of Gay People, Just Not When They Act All Gay
Marist student Jeff Daley just wants everyone to know that he is totally cool with the idea of gay people–just not when they act all gay.
Criminal Justice Major Flunks Out of School, Still is Going to Become a Cop.
Dyson Center- Recent Marist student and “that kid who always left halfway through night class” Don Cristian received dreadful news yesterday after a two year battle with the Marist Criminal Justice Department – he was flunking all of his classes and would be forced to permanently end his quest for a Bachelor’s degree in Criminal…
Local Bouncer Has the Audacity to Do His Job and Deny a Fake I.D.
A local bouncer has reportedly had the audacity to do his job and deny entry to a student with a fake I.D. Jeremy McCormack–the accused bouncer–is an employee of Mahoney’s Irish Pub, and has caused a wave of protest throughout the Marist community through his controversial actions.
Campus-Wide Renovations Must Be Preparation for a Medieval-Style Siege
As construction on the rotunda continues, the majority of Marist faculty and students agree that the campus-wide renovations within the past few years must be preparations for a medieval-style siege. The castle-like architecture and stone facades are ideal for defending against an assault from an enemy nation that still utilizes the feudal system.
Kevin Bacon Outraged at Poughkeepsie’s Party Nuisance Law
Actor Kevin Bacon has recently expressed outrage over Poughkeepsie’s “Party Nuisance” law passed a few weeks ago. According to eye-witness accounts, Bacon has been dancing “loosely” in defiance to this anti-party law.
Dead Fox Writers Too Hungover From Syllabus Week to Start Writing Real Articles Again
Writers from The Dead Fox reportedly really wanted to recommence publishing articles today, but were just a little too hungover from syllabus week to give it their all. Coming off of a quiet summer, Dead Fox writers decided it was time to buckle down and write something that will allow them to stall a bit…
Students Implore Loquacious Classmate to Shut the Fuck Up
Hancock 2012 Uninterested non-major students conned into taking a humanities class by their malicious advisors lamented this morning at the sound of Pat Germon’s voice. Germon, who is easily the most annoying member of Dr. Schultz’ Ethics and Morality class, disgusts fellow students with his well-formed and rationally argued ideas which often times relate…
The Dead Fox is Literally So Dumb
Like, so everyone’s been talking about this Dead Fox thing, so I checked it out, and like what? The first thing I saw was that Jay-z was running for president, and I was like ummm do your research. I follow him on twitter and he totally would have said something about it by now.
Accounting Major ‘Really Not In It for the Money’
Josh Houston, an accounting major here at Marist College, recently declared that he’s not really doing it for the money. Like all risky careers, Houston is driven by passion, a passion ignited the first time he witnessed a financial statement written right before his eyes.
Study Reveals Everyone’s Hero is Actually Matthew Mcconaughey in 10 Years
Matthew Mcconaughey revealed in his Oscar acceptance speech that his hero is himself in ten years, and a new study has shown that everyone else in the world also sees future Matthew Mcconaughey as their hero. People from all over the world have spoken out about their experiences after the Oscars.
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