Campus-Wide Renovations Must Be Preparation for a Medieval-Style Siege

The Hancock center--complete with battlements--acts as the prototype for the battle-ready renovations hitting Marist.

The Hancock center–complete with battlements–acts as the prototype for the battle-ready renovations hitting Marist.

As construction on the rotunda continues, the majority of Marist faculty and students agree that the campus-wide renovations within the past few years must be preparations for a medieval-style siege. The castle-like architecture and stone facades are ideal for defending against an assault from an enemy nation that still utilizes the feudal system.

“The battlements atop the Hancock center are perfect for archers to rain arrows down from in the event that Marist is attacked by ranks of ironclad mercenaries,” says history major Marvin Hughes, adding that these slots in the stone were likely designed to ease the process of pouring boiling oil on foreign invaders.

Students and professors alike share the belief that the redesigned cafeteria is specifically designed as a community gathering place when Marist students get holed up inside for months during next year’s impending siege. History department chair Dr. Marshall applauds Marist’s foresight, emphasizing the fact that though the chandeliers are fit for the hall of a monarch, architects left plenty of room in the dining hall for a court jester to perform.

Parents of Marist students have also expressed their approval of the renovations. “I’m glad Marist is taking their security very seriously,” said one concerned mother. “I wouldn’t want my child attending a school that isn’t prepared to defend against a legion of enemy troops ready to wage war with 14th century weaponry.”

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