The Dead Fox is Literally So Dumb

Like, so everyone’s been talking about this Dead Fox thing, so I checked it out, and like what? The first thing I saw was that Jay-z was running for president, and I was like ummm do your research. I follow him on twitter and he totally would have said something about it by now.

Murray Abandons Wealth After Negative Publicity

Students and alumni were overwhelmed with disgust after reading a recently published HuffPost article listing the ten highest paid college presidents in the country. Marist President Dennis Murray rang in at number three, reportedly earning over two million dollars a year for leading an institution “dedicated to helping students develop the intellect, character, and skillsĀ …

Shy, Ugly Kid Gets No Tinder Matches

Jimmy Pacer, a notoriously ugly and timid boy from New Jersey, has received no matches on the popular dating app Tinder. Pacer came to Marist College this year, hoping to change his self-image by becoming less ugly and shy. So far, however, he has had little success and is especially disappointed in his inability to…