A recent study has shown that Don Carson, a Marist student with an overwhelming alpha-male personality, definitely drinks more than you.
Signs of Carson’s superior ability to consume copious amounts of alcohol were revealed at a party last weekend on West Cedar Street. Though most of the guests had no idea who Carson was, his presence quickly became known after his first testosterone-fueled romp through the kitchen.
“We all wanted him to leave,” said a guest at the party, clearly lying to hide is admiration for the glorious hunk of beer-crushing man-meat he witnessed the night before.
Carson then reportedly moved on from the kitchen to the living room. “Fuck yeah!” shouted Carson before chugging a beer, the frenetic bobbing of his Adam’s apple acting as a ferocious display of unbridled masculinity that you could only match in your wildest dreams.
Carson remained thorough in his quest to make sure you and everyone else was aware of your places below him in the drinking hierarchy, bravely seizing every opportunity to jump into other people’s pictures while shotgunning beers and pounding his powerful chest “I just want to share my gift with the world, man,” explained Carson in a recent interview, raising a beer with one hand and firmly grasping his burly cock with the other.
The hosts of the party eventually removed Carson from the premises after a a thrilling display of Carson’s raw machismo ended in a broken table. Carson’s robust manliness and incredible drinking talents are predicted to be seen in a similar location this Saturday, where he will without a doubt consume more alcohol than you.