A local bouncer has reportedly had the audacity to do his job and deny entry to a student with a fake I.D. Jeremy McCormack–the accused bouncer–is an employee of Mahoney’s Irish Pub, and has caused a wave of protest throughout the Marist community through his controversial actions.
McCormack, who shamefully followed his boss’s orders out of genuine concern for his job, is denying allegations that he is a “complete asshole.”
“The economy is great out there.” said one outraged student. “How hard could it be to just drop everything and get a new job?”
“I need this job to pay rent and take care of my mother,” said McCormack, showing no regret for the heinous crimes he committed against the innocent freshman who he so unfairly rejected. Experts in a local frat house have concluded that the I.D. was a “pretty decent fake,” making it even more of a mystery how this man could possibly live with himself after fulfilling his job requirements of removing underage drinkers from the premises.
McCormack will be working again this Friday, and is expected to continue unjustly performing the actions written in his job description.