Sources confirmed with The Dead Fox today that Miley Cruz, a Freshmen from Garrison, NY is seriously wondering why she has the most work out of any other Marist student this week.
Cruz – whose whereabouts in the Library are known only through “Snapchat Stories” – has reportedly been telling friends, family, and every random girl in the main floor bathroom that she may have to skip going out on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday in order to finish her collage for Intro to Fashion.
In a recording obtained by a student who obviously needs to take up a different hobby, Cruz was recently seen making a trip to the Library cafe for a quick 45 minute drink break. Expressing dismay towards the lack of beverage selection at the establishment, she notified friends and complete strangers that “this bullshit school fucking shit place-cafe” was forcing her to put the glue stick down for upwards of twenty minutes in order to make the journey to the Starbucks across Route 9 for her “double mocha, peppercorn, chai pumpkin latte.”
Upon return from the harrowing journey, we caught up with Miley and approached her for an interview. She immediately lunged in a tiger-like manner at the opportunity. Apparently she believed that the interview would prove that she indeed had more work than anybody else in the world at this point in recordable history.
While simultaneously taking selfies, she told The Dead Fox at 5pm this evening, “Yeah basically I haven’t been able to wear anything but yoga pants and men’s hoodies for the past 72 hours. I’m literally an insomniac averaging 7 hours of sleep a night and my professors no longer answer my emails about what the difference between MLA and Modern Language Association format is. I have no idea if I’ll be able to take-out from Cosimo’s at all this week and I sure as hell won’t be going to Starbucks again until tomorrow.”
She was last seen trying to create a unique and genuine status on Facebook about the unparalleled stress of final’s week. Tragically, many of her friends will go on to like this status.