Irresponsible Student Submits Ilearn Assignment on Time


Library 3rd Floor

Sources today confirm that Blake Gravis, a 21 year old history major from Connecticut, submitted a three page summary of “Some Forgettable History Book,” with just minutes to spare.

Gravis, a habitual procrastinator and avid socialite put off this assignment for days until finally making the harrowing trek from his Lower West penthouse all the way to the James A. Cannavino Library e-Scriptorium.  He was confident that he would be able to reword and compile enough Sparknotes summary points to satisfactorily  stump However, Gravis was shocked when he was forced to resort to JSTOR book reviews in order to get the main points of his $48 former doorstop.

On top of this, Gravis’ self-consciousness towards the inadequate amount of likes his recent instagram post entitled “Marist Sunset!” earned, led him on a 35 minute quest to find any picture which would supplement the sunset’s disappointing performance. Settling on an abstract picture of the cover of said forgettable book, Gravis quickly failed to cite his favorite overused Walt Whitman quote to cap off a truly forgettable instagram post.

Miraculously making it one and a half pages in without any distractions, Gravis paused to take a music break. Forty-seven minutes later, he was back at it, plagiarizing a book review that he will later learn is the work of his own professor, whose name he still does not know. However with the tenacity akin to a freshmen guy at Union, Gravis powered through to the three page limit with just minutes to spare before the submission portal closed.

With the deadline met, Gravis is more confident that the skills he learns as a history student at Marist will prepare him for indefinite amounts of postgraduate unemployment.