Student DJ Remains Unsuccessful

DJ

The student DJ known as ZigZag continued to be mediocre today. ZigZag, best for his work as ‘That Guy In The Corner At That Frat Party Everyone Regretted Going To’, recently released a new track today on his Facebook page. The song received six likes and currently has fourteen plays.

ZigZag, who says he prefers this title over his real name because it’s “who I really am,” was unsatisfied with this reception, and in a recent interview seemed unsure of what he was doing wrong. “I post a status about my music every day, sometimes twice a day. It just doesn’t make sense.”

Friends of ZigZag have described his music as “so fresh” and “mad ill, yo.” Despite these positive responses from the Twitter pages of his freshman roommates, DJ ZigZag remains universally ignored pretty much everywhere else on campus.

“I think the problem is that Marist is stuck in the days of dubstep, and I’m totally EDM,” ZigZag said. “Kids here aren’t cultured enough to know the difference.”

Last weekend, ZigZag received a gig at the local bar known as Backstreet. Our reporters recently interviewed several students who attended Backstreet that night, and asked them what they thought of ZigZag’s new Katy Perry mix. “Um, I don’t really remember, I was kinda drunk,” said Sarah Harper, a freshman from Nassau County. Other responses included “Backstreet sucks” and “Oh my God, I love Katy Perry!”

Today, ZigZag spent the morning smoking weed and playing Call of Duty before sleeping through his Intro to Business class. While asleep, no record labels reached out to him. His housemate, however, did steal some of his Ramen.

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